Proof

I wrote this right before my birthday, and have toyed with posting vs. editing it. I've noticed my writing is kind of crappy when I am upset, but it's honest. So, I've decided to risk it and let you guys read my thoughts as they came. I will tell you tears were pouring out of my eyes as I wrote this...

Today, I was cleaning out Bryan's work bag and I found it. Proof that he really was the amazing husband I remember him as. Proof that we had an amazing relationship. Proof that he really loved me and was happy with me. I found a card. Not just any card. But an I love you, life is perfect with you, and look forward to spending forever with you card. And he had already given me a Valentine's Day card. So this was a just because card. It would have made me smile before. Today, it made me drop to my knees and cry. And then it made me angry with him.

I had a fairy tale marriage, to my prince charming who loved me more than anything. He was perfect for me and a great guy. Which makes this so incredibly hard. I accept that sucky things happen. That I will see him again on the other side. I get that. But I miss him so much.

I miss him because he was such a great husband and father. A man who sings to his kids every night and buys his wife love cards just because. If he was a crappier partner and dad, we wouldn't miss him so much. And I am so angry with him for being so perfect.