Dear Bryan,

I just wanted to let you know that I still do those things that annoy you. I throw scraps into the sink when I am cooking, I stuff the garbage way too tight (and you are right, that is annoying) and I fall asleep while watching movies.

But I am also doing new things too. I am worried about our budget all the time (ironic, now that the only person coming to the budget meetings is me!). I am handling the house stuff in stride (well, with some help from your dad). I am venturing into new things, without you to cheerlead me into them.

I miss all the little things about you. How your tongue stuck out while you were concentrating (Dylan does that too!). How you drove the long distances. How you took care of me when I was sick, sad or just plain annoyed. How WHENEVER you caught a glimpse of me naked you would smile and say "looking good" (and really, how cruel is it that I lost all this weight and you aren't here to enjoy it!!!). How the love you showed me and the kids was in everything you did.

I am also missing you everyday. Waiting to know the big picture. And I am slowly not just staying here for the kids. But for me, and for my new adventures. I am proud of who I am becoming. I hope you are too. I was so proud to be your wife. Every time I saw your wedding ring, I would think to myself "wow, he's mine!". And I proud to be your widow. To know, we made it. Forever. I just wish forever was a little longer.

All my love, forever and always,
Me

PS Where is your chili recipe?