I have always loved fall. The cool crisp weather after the thick mugginess of summer. The smell of new pencils and school supplies. Having to switch over the clothes. Not to mention all the fall events; corn mazes, apple picking, football games, pumpkin picking. It just strikes me as a new start, a new year.
This summer I have been dreading fall, it was both of our favorite season. I didn't want to face it without Bryan. I was focused on all the things we won't be able to do together. But something has shifted in me, I can't really put it into words. I'm OK with moving forward. I know I have to move forward, or I'll sink. And I have made a conscious decision to swim. Fake it until I make it, and now I'm starting to make it!!!
I have been taking stock in me as the season has started to change. And I've realized something amazing about myself. I am strong, stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. (and yes, I do hate when people say that to me. But I have to admit it's true!) I also have this new perspective, I realize how little most things really our. And sure, my floors have dust bunnies and there are dishes in my sink. But the kids are happy. And that's all that really matters.
I also know (and accept) that this feeling of being OK won't last forever. That I will slip back into the blahs. And that is OK too. Because I know will be able to swim out of it.