Monday, March 22, 2010

One Month Today

One month ago today, my life was perfect. We had returned from a long weekend away as a family. Bryan brought me coffee in bed, like he always did and kissed me goodbye. We went to work (school for the kids), and did the normal daily hustle. Bryan sang the kids their goodnight song, and we had our usual Monday night date at home. He went to bed, I stayed up to watch TV. The last thing he said to me was "I'm looking forward to sleeping next to you tonight".

Then my world changed. I have relived Monday night over and over. Finding him unresponsive on the floor of our bedroom (after hearing a yell), calling 911, calling family, giving him a breath, the emergency crew in our house, hearing them say "dial it to 200", knowing what was happening, refusing to believe it. Thinking about all the things I could have done differently, should have done differently.

And now, this is my world. How is this my world? How am I picking out his urn? Worrying about thank you cards for (the amazing amount) of support we have received? How am I facing life without him? Because in reality, life without my best friend, in a word, SUCKS. I'm not sure how to do this.

1 comment:

  1. I am trying to find my way. I joined my grief journey on December 11th, 2013. My husband, Thomas, died at 39. I miss him so much. I wanted to know how you were doing, because right now I don't feel like I'll ever feel better. The way you described your husband reminds me of how Thomas was. I loved him very much, and I can't imagine my life without him.