today I hate everything, everyone. So, I'm going to try and avoid the phone. Let my anger fester, without risking hurting anyone. It feels good to feel anything. I've been so numb. So, I thought I would list who I was angry at. To continue to feel
1. New brides, engaged couples. I want to scream at them that there is no happy ever after. Don't buy into the scam. Run, run away. Don't let someone become your everything. Because when they are gone, and they will be gone, you will be left with nothing. NOTHING!!!
2. Married couples because they have what I don't. Especially OLD married couples.
3. The stupid census bureau. I filled out the paperwork, and realized that there was no spot for widow. Which groups me with single parents. I am NOT a single parent. I never wanted to be one, never planned on being one. I do not want to be one. Please census people, let me check widow. I just want to be able to be able to qualify my single parent status as unwanted.
4. Those who "know what's best for me" or even better those that "understand what I am going through"
5. The people who have not called, sent me an email, facebook message. And trust me, I know who they are. While I may not remember everyone who was there, I completely remember who was not.
6. The ME office. How freakin' long does it take to find a cause of death? Do they not care that people are waiting? Do they not realize the agony of every day, not knowing?
7. Married couples who don't realize what they have. Hug them, love them. Soon, it will be all over for you too. And you will never have a chance to love them again. And I can tell you, that sucks and hurts and is just not pretty.
8. People who don't get how short life is. Because, it is waaayyyy too short.
9. Myself, for feeling so angry. For becoming this person. For losing things, forgetting things.For being such a crappy mom. For second guessing the love Bryan and I shared, his happiness.
10. Bryan. How could he leave me? How DARE he leave me? He promised me forever. Why didn't he give me forever?
Surprisingly, the one "thing" I am not angry at. God.